Never Piss Off an Engineer

THE ANIME LAWS OF PHYSICS

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity

The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation

Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics

In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion

In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion

The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

#6 - Law of Temporal Variability

Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality

'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality

It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis

Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

#10 - Law of Dramatic Multiplicity

Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

#11 - Law of Inherent Combustibility

Everything explodes. Everything.

First Corollary -


Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary -

Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

#12 - Law of Phlogistatic Emission

Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13 - Law of Energetic Emission

There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#14 - Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude

The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.

First Corollary -


Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

#15 - Law of Inexhaustibility

No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16 - Law of Inverse Accuracy

The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Storm trooper Effect) Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.

First Corollary -


The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary -

Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary -

Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.

#17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability

Minmei is a bimbo.

#18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity

The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

#19 - Law of Demonic Consistency

Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt bladed weapons.

#20 - Law of Militaristic Unreliability

Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

First Corollary -
(from Adam Barnes)


Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.

#21 - Law of Tactical Unreliability

Tactical geniuses aren't....

#22 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability

People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality

Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

#24 - Law of Americanthropomorphism

Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.

First Corollary -


The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect)
Second Corollary -

The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

#25 - Law of Mandibular Proportionality
(from A. Hicks, Tom Williams, and Ben Leinweber)

The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

#26 - Law of Feline Mutation
(from A. Hicks)

Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:

1) be female
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any

#27 - Law of Conservation of Firepower
(from Tom Williams)

Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

#28 - Law of Technological User-Benevolence
(from Tom Williams)

The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

#29 - Law of Melee Luminescence
(from Tom Williams)

Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

#30 - Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism
(from Tom Williams)

All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31 - Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability
(from Spellweaver)

Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

#32 - Law of Follicular Permanence

Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

#33 - Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics

*ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

#34 - Law of Probable Attire
(from various sources)

Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.

Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).

Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear a long cloaks that don't hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.

First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) -


All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) -
(from Nyctomania)

Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

#35 - Law of Musical Omnipotence

Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on...especially if they have never attempted these things before.

#36 - Law of Quintupular Agglutination
(from Daniel Mikula)

Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:

1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute
5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:

1) Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation

#37 - Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
(from Jason Bustard)

All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.

First Corollary (a.k.a. The Hammer Rule) -
(from Ferdinand Pelayo)


The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

#38 - Law of Hydrostatic Emission

Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

#39 - Law of Inverse Attraction

Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get, and vice versa.

First Corollary -


Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

#40 - Law of Nasal Sanguination
(from Ryan Pritchard and Jason Aylen)

When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

#41 - Law of Xylolaceration
(from Lyndon Harris)

Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

#42 - Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
(from Erin Alia)

Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

#43 - Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia

There is no Law #43.

#44 - Law of Nominative Clamovocation
(from Luiko-Ysabeth and Adrian Hsiah)

The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

#45 - Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
(from R. A. Hubby)

Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

#46 - Law of Flimsy Incognition
(from Conrad Knauer)

Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

Copyright by Ryan Shellito and Darrin Bright, who have graciously granted permission to copy, distribute, edit, and add your own laws, so long as you leave all the credits intact.

Ubuntu Versions and Nicknames

I cant seem to find the ubuntu versions and ubuntu nicknames in any one place so I will put together all that I have found online here.

Ubuntu versions are named after the year and month they were developed. For example Ubuntu version 8.04 was developed in April(the fourth month-believe it or not) in the year 2008. New Ubuntu versions are made every six months so the versions will always be named "[YEAR].04" or "[YEAR].10".

Now the nicknames:

Ubuntu 4.10 - Warty Warthog
Ubuntu 5.04 - Hoary Hedgehog
Ubuntu 5.10 - Breezy Badger
Ubuntu 6.04 - Dapper Drake
Ubuntu 6.10 - Edgy Eft
Ubuntu 7.04 - Feisty Fawn
Ubuntu 7.10 - Gutsy Gibbon
Ubuntu 8.04 - Hardy Heron

MindFuck: When You See it You'll Shit Bricks

[NOTE: Click to Enlarge]

Why Choose When You Can Combine?

Harley Davidson Ads

Taken from :http://photowebs.blogspot.com/2006/11/creative-harley-davidsons-advertising.html

SNL Short: Iran So Far Away

One of the funniest things from SNL.

Alligator Bites Off Man's Hand But is Reattached

When you see this you should just be like "Whoa! WTF? How is this possible?", I was.
Read the full story HERE

Damn DVD Camcorders!!!

Have you ever seen those new camcorders that record directly to a mini dvd? well my dad saw one after our old panasonic one(one that used Hi8 tapes) broke. That meant that when i wanted to extract videos from the camcorder my old software was useless. And the new sony camcorder recorded the videos in VRO files. WTF? what the hell is that?


After extensive research on that matter i figured out how to convert from VRO files to VOB files which are just regular DVD files. The VOB files can be made into any other format you want with easy tools(Windows Movie Maker for one).

Now back to converting from VRO to VOB
1. First of all download this program called "Vobtool006"
2. Rename the VRO file to a VOB extention
3. Open Vobtool and browse to the renamed file
4. check the box called "Join Extracted Segments"
5. Click the "Extract Segments" button and as soon as the program finishes you end up with a VOB file.

Note: I know Vobtool can be really hard to find. I had to get it off of a french website. Ill try to post it on blogger. If I figure out how to do it, ill update this post.

French Engineer Creates Car That Runs On Air!

Here's the BBC video with the full story:
mms://a59.v373748.c37374.g.vm.akamaistream.net/7/59/37374/1.0/clipdownloads.bbc.co.uk/windowsmedia-acl/news/media_acl/mps/fix/news/world/video/151000/bb/151932_16x9_bb.wmv

Yes, usually i would include the video right here but when I uploaded the video blogger decided to not publish that post and kept giving me a damn error message so you are stuck with an unreliable link that may be taken offline at any moment. Oh well.

A New Way to Increase Traffic Accidents

Amazon.com now has the new EasyReader: With the EasyReader you can enjoy your favorite books while driving. I guess cell phones better watch out if they want to hold the 20% share of cause of traffic accidents. At least this item is unavailable right now.

Rambo Kill Count

[Click the pic to view a bigger/better quality image]

Best Photoshop Pictures of all Time Forever!

Mmm...PeanutButter-Banana-Chocolate Sandwich

If ever you want to try out a new food then try this out. Its not half as bad as it sounds.

Take a slice of bread and spread some peanut butter over it. Slice a banana and put the banana slices on the bread. Then take some chocolate syrup(I prefer hersheys) and put as much as you want over the bananas. Then cover it with the other piece of bread. And viola! you now have a
PeanutButter-Banana-Chocolate Sandwich!

Dont ever swallow gum

I was chewing gum the other day in my calculus class to stay awake. When I suddenly fell asleep for a couple of seconds, I choked and swallowed my gum. On the good side at leat i didnt turn out like these people.

On Fake IDs

Your first order of business when making a fake id should be to try to make it look like a real one.
But if you are Jose Pacheco that may be kind of hard to grasp.
Some things wrong with this ID.
1. First of all take a picture of yourself ONLY next time
2. And nobody lives on a highway, look at the address

9mm vs. 3 AK-47s

This shows you how to use a 9mm to beat three guys with 3 AK-47's...with style.

Pimped Out John

Sardar Joke

One train which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks
suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby
and then came back on the tracks.
The passengers were horrified. On the next Railway station the
driver was caught : He was found to be a Sardar .
He was questioned . He explained that there
was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving
from there even after lots of honks etc .
Then authorities questioned : Sardarji are you mad! just to
save life of one person you put life of so many passengers
under danger.You should have overran that person .
Sardar said : Exactly, that is what i also decided, but this idiot
started running towards the field when the train came very close.

Yeak of the Pig Humor!

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Human = Pigs + work + enjoy
if, Human - enjoy = Pigs + work

in other words, Human that don't know how to enjoy = pigs that work

Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money
if Men - earn money = Pigs

in other words, Men that don't earn money = Pigs

Women = eat + sleep + spend
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Women = Pigs + spend
if, Women - spend = Pigs

In other words, Women that don't spend = Pigs

Summary:
Men earn money not to let women become pigs!
Women spend not to let men become pigs!

Men + Women = 2 Pigs
Wish All the Pigs Happy Forever.

Another Faith Joke

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an
important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find
me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me
life and give up me Irish Whiskey."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said
"Never mind. I found one."

Americans are stupid!

McDonalds Job Application

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

Funny Joke (Kinda)

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.
So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.
The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large
cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.
He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.
"O.K., thank you," said the American.
He then traveled to Pakistan, Srilanka, Russia, Germany and France.
In every church he saw the same golden telephone
with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to India to see if Indians had the same phone.
He arrived in India, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call."
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but everywhere the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"
The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, son - it's a local call".
KEEP SMILING

Amazing Face Paintings

Funny Viagra Ad